Excessive Girthiness
and….quote,
“NOTE: Everyone, regardless of age (including babies), must have a ticket to enter any concerts or events at the Jackson County Fair Grandstand that require a ticket.”
This was taken verbatim from here. Amazing if you ask me. Considering that such places as Cedar Point and Walt Disney World (from what I could find) let kids 2 and under in for free. Surely, Jackson cannot be so desperate for cash that they will charge every youngin’s parents between $22 and $40 just to let them carry their children around and/or hold them on their lap while they enjoy the sounds from such musical visionaries as Dierks Bentley, Rihanna, Big & Rich with Cowboy Troy, and TRAIN. Mind you, I’ve only heard of one of these acts, but they all have a page on wikipedia, so they must have some sort of fame.
This just furthers my hatred of the Jackson County Fair. To bring this injustice to the eyes of the world I have decided to start an internet campaign against Jackson. Our slogans shall read, “Jackson Hates Children” and “No Rihanna for my baby ears” also “Baby Formula or Cowboy Troy?, Well I guess I could eat pre-chewed elephant ears” and lastly “(insert band name here) supports the Baby-hating county of Jackson, MI. All with pictures of dejected-looking babies of course. Everyone loves exploiting children; therefore I have no problems doing so in my campaign against this discrimination towards babies. They’re babies! They don’t even take up one seat, and yet you still charge the same for the average Jacksonian who might occupy two or possibly three with their excessive girthiness (or as my sister would say “plentifulness”).
Could it be that the Jackson County Fair Commission (at least…I think they’re a commission) just does NOT want babies to be present for these activities? Surely not, for the fair is a time of family and community bonding. Not that I would ever have the desire to bond with my children or community in such a place.
Now that I think about it…maybe it would be for the better if parents got a babysitter instead…
June 16th, 2006 at 11:00 pm
If you look at it this way Ben…Jackson is made up of about…oh…I’d say about 97.9% of freaks, hicks, ex-cons, and just plain weird people that no child should be around…
So although this priceing of young children seems outrageous, maybe they are just trying to discourage parents from bringing their young children so that they don’t get abducted, drunk (hobos think its funny to watch a 2 yr. old stumble around in a fit of giggles…), raped, killed, or puked on… This way…the drunks and freaks of Jackson aren’t a bad influence on the little ones because the little ones aren’t there because who would actually pay that ridiculous price for a kid that probably won’t remember the awful experience anyways (What a run-on sentence, jeez…)
- So I say we nuke Jackson and take over the world. Yup, that is my solution…
June 20th, 2006 at 1:21 am
Ben,
Any blasting you orchestrate on the part of this hole-in-the-ground named Jackson County is most appreciated on my part.
In fact, as you know, berating this stain on the map is a fun hobby of mine–some people say I don’t have a hobby, but I disagree. A reference to Chris Hinton, who reeks of awesomeness.
Anyways, Jackson County is inhabited by many morons, who, even if they do make a subtle–yet futile–attempt at any sort of sound judgement (in this case, your aforementioned article), can forever be deemed as laughable by my standards. What imbeciles. This is just another example. I’m flabbergasted by the blatant idiocy.
That is all. Did I mention I hate Jackson?
Your Partner In Crime,
Geoff